Flashback
by Iain Boulton
Summary: When Ryoko, Tenchi, Washu and Kiyone are all locked up in a closet, they remember the good things and bad things they've done. Kiyone as a talk show host, Tenchi and Ryoko on the Titanic with James Cameron, Jean-Luc Piccard, Car trips, Weakest Links and M
1. Ryokolocks- Ryoko , three bowls of rice,...

Flashback  
  
  
" I don't believe this!" cried Tenchi banging on the door. " Open this door please!"  
  
" What's the matter Tenchi?" asked Ryoko with her arms around his waist. " We're all alone!"  
  
" Stop that," said Washu sitting on the floor. " It's your fault we're locked up in here!"  
  
" Yeah!" said Kiyone sitting next to Washu. " If you hadn't have pushed us in here, we'd be all doing what we regularly do!"  
  
" What? Water crops, do choirs and lay around the house?" asked Ryoko. " This is completely different. There's no Ayeka here to go berserk on us!"  
  
" That really makes the difference Ryoko!" said Washu rolling her eyes up.  
  
" Anyway, how could you blame me for locking us all up in a closet? I tried to pull Tenchi in here with me so we be all alone!"  
  
" Plus Tenchi grabbed onto my chair to prevent him going into the closest; that resulted in him pulling me into the closet as well! And Kiyone was….was….how did you get in here?"  
  
" I got pulled in when your chair collided with me!" said Kiyone. Washu nodded.  
  
" I remember, you were shouting that your hair was caught."  
  
" THIS ISN'T HELPING!" cried Tenchi. " I should be at the shire helping Grandpa, thanks to Ryoko, we're all locked in a closet in another dimension!"  
  
" Your mean," said Ryoko facing the corner of the rather small closet. " I always get the blame!"  
  
" Well, this time Ryoko, you are to blame! But if you can help get us out, then you might be forgiven."  
  
" You mean that?" asked Ryoko turning back around to look at Tenchi. She had that loving puppy dog look.  
  
" I guess so!"  
  
" Thank you Tenchi," said Ryoko grabbing on to Tenchi.  
  
" So? How are we going to get out of here?" asked Washu.  
  
" Simple, we wait for Samasi to come and call us for supper. Then we all shout and she'll open the door."  
  
" Nice plan but first, it's early morning. Second, Samasi is back on Jurai and thirdly, I DOUBT SHE WOULD HEAR US!"  
  
" I tried," said Ryoko. She turned to Tenchi. " What do you think darling?"  
  
" Well, I can't think of anything. I guess we're stuck here for a while." Said Tenchi.  
  
" What about food and water?" asked Kiyone. " I don't suppose anyone brought any did they?"  
  
" Well I have this chocolate bar," said Tenchi taking a chocolate bar out. Ryoko snatched it out of his hand and ate it. " Ok, had."  
  
" Yum, chocolate," said Ryoko finishing the bar. " You got more Tenchi?"  
  
" No, that was the only one!"  
  
" Ok, but I knew you kept it all for me." Said Ryoko holding on to him and resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
" Right Ryoko," said Tenchi looking away. " So, what do we do until we're found?"  
  
" Tell stories?" asked Washu.   
  
" I can't bear to hear another fairy tale," said Ryoko. " Why don't we remember times past?"  
  
" You mean what we did before all this?"  
  
" Yes."  
  
" Like the time Ryoko tried to jump on Tenchi which resulted in him grabbing onto my chair which made me collide with Kiyone and we all fell through one of my dimension doors which resulted with us locked up inside a closet with no food, no water and made us all angry at you."  
  
" That's it, except not that one." Said Ryoko. " I'll tell about the time Tenchi gave me a chocolate bar once. I remember as it was just yesterday."  
  
******  
  
" What about food and water?" asked Kiyone. " I don't suppose anyone brought any did they?"  
  
" Well I have this chocolate bar," said Tenchi taking a chocolate bar out. Ryoko snatched it out of his hand and ate it. " Ok, had."  
  
" Yum, chocolate," said Ryoko finishing the bar. " You got more Tenchi?"  
  
" No, that was the only one!"  
  
" Ok, but I knew you kept it all for me." Said Ryoko holding on to him and resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
******  
  
" RYOKO!" shouted Washu. " THAT JUST HAPPENED!"  
  
  
" Yeah but it took up two minutes," said Ryoko. " Anyone else got a story to tell because I have another to tell."  
  
" What is it about?" asked Tenchi.  
  
" Well, it's the time I came into the house and there was no one home…."  
  
******  
  
" Hello?" asked Ryoko poking her head into the living room. " Is anyone home?"  
  
It was around lunchtime and Ryoko had arrived to get her lunch. However, no one was home. Nothing had changed around the house, nothing that Ryoko noticed. Except for three bowls of rice on the dinning table. Ryoko walked over to see the three bowls of rice.  
  
" Mmmmm," said Ryoko thinking. " I guess one of these must be mine."  
  
Ryoko looked at the three bowls and started to think which one of those were hers. The bowls each contained the same amount of rice; Ryoko quickly picked one up, sat down, and began eating. Within a few minutes, she spat out the rice.  
  
" AH!" screamed Ryoko. " Too hot!" Ryoko threw the bowl behind her and picked up another. She became eating and then spat the rice out after a few seconds. " Too cold!" She picked up the final bowl and began eating. She was happy with this bowl. " Mmmm, just right."  
  
After Ryoko finished eating her bowl of rice; she put the bowl on the table and then yawned. It had been a boring day; Ryoko had been laying around all morning. She looked and noticed no one was still home.  
  
" Well," said Ryoko stretching. " I don't know about you guys but I'm feeling sleepy, I'm going to bed."  
  
She teleported up the stairs and headed straight to her room. Her room was as basic as anyone else in the house, except that it had clothes all over the floor and it had countless pictures of Tenchi on the walls with cut out pictures of Ryoko stuck next to them. Ryoko cleared the clothes off her bed and got in it. She tried to get some sleep but; she couldn't.   
  
" I can't sleep in this bed," said Ryoko. " It's too hard. I know, I'll sleep in Ayeka's bed, she won't mind if I don't leave a mess."  
  
Ryoko quickly transported to Princess Ayeka's room. Her room was much more tidy than Ryoko's. Her Clothes were nicely packaged in the wardrobe and her make up table was in the corner of the room with hairbrushes, facial powder, and nail and lip-glosses. Ryoko took noticed of this and looked at it.  
  
" I didn't she had a make up table," said Ryoko. She sat down and picked up a lipstick roll. She opened it out and then scribbled some of the lipstick on the mirror to see what colour it was. It was a light red.   
  
  
" Too bright." She threw the stick on the floor and then took out a nail varnish colour. She brushed some of it on the mirror to see what colour it was. It was a dark red colour.   
  
" Too dark!" She threw the nail varnish behind her. " Ayeka hasn't a clue in make up."  
  
Ryoko then noticed the bed and remembered why she was in her room. Ryoko jumped into the bed and tried to get to sleep. She couldn't, something was wrong.  
  
" It's too….princessy," said Ryoko sitting up in the bed. " Which bed is a good one to take a nap in?" She thought. " Ah ha! Tenchi's bed!"  
  
Ryoko transported to Tenchi's bedroom. His bedroom was tidy, with posters of pointless objects up on the wall. His desk had schoolbooks on and pieces of paper. The desk was untidy and hadn't been cleaned up in a while. Ryoko didn't see anything that interested her and she quickly jumped into his bed.  
  
" This is just right," said Ryoko nodding off. But she soon found it a little uncomfortable. " Damn, it's getting stuffy in here. I better change into something or I'll burn up in this bed."  
  
Ryoko got out of the bed and opened Tenchi's wardrobe. She threw clothes out on to the floor and tried to find something. She then found a light pair of shorts and a black T-shirt.  
  
" Perfect," said Ryoko. She quickly undressed and got changed into the shorts and t-shirt. " Now time for a nap." Ryoko jumped back into the bed and dozed off quickly.  
  
However, downstairs in the kitchen. Tenchi, Ayeka, Washu and Samasi had come back. They had been in Washu's lab all the time! Samasi had mentioned that she left some rice out of the table to them. But they soon noticed that the rice had either been thrown onto the floor, spat out on the table or eaten.  
  
" Hey!" cried Samasi. " Someone's eaten the rice!"  
" More like thrown it about," said Washu looking at the rice on the floor.   
  
" Who would do this?" asked Tenchi. " That was our lunch!"  
  
" And I was going to make some special sauces for them," groaned Samasi.  
  
" I'll give you a good guess on who's behind this! Ryoko is!" snarled Ayeka. " Where is she?"  
  
" I dunno," said Tenchi going upstairs. " But I'll check her room."   
  
Tenchi quickly walked the stairs and opened the door to her room. All he could see was her clothes all over the floor and small glimpse of her bed underneath. He quickly walked around just to check if she was buried under any clothing of such. After searching, with no luck. Tenchi called out.  
  
" Ryoko!" cried Tenchi. He got no answer. " Ryoko, where are you?"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Ayeka from the corridor. Tenchi rushed out of the corridor to see Ayeka looking into her bedroom with a shocked look on her face.  
  
" Ayeka? Are you ok?" asked Tenchi.  
  
" NO!" she screamed back at him. " Someone has been in my room and played with my make up table and has…has…been in my bed!"   
  
" Really?" asked Tenchi looking in. He saw the lipsticks and nail varnishes on the floor and Ayeka's bed in a messy state. " Who is behind all this?"  
  
" If I find out that that Ryoko has been in my room, I'll kill her!"  
  
" No you won't," said Tenchi moving to his room and opening the door. " I'll find her and…" he looked in. "…….. WHO DID THIS?"  
  
Tenchi walked into his room, he first noticed the pile of clothes that were in the middle of the room. Tenchi completely shocked then noticed clothes that belonged to Ryoko laying by the bed, then he saw a huge lump in his bed. Tenchi wasn't going to like this.  
  
" I don't want to know what she's doing in here!" he moaned. He then walked over to the bed and pulled off the bedsheet. He saw Ryoko sleeping in his black t-shirt and white shorts. " RYOKO!"  
  
" Huh?" Ryoko asked waking up. She saw Tenchi. " Hey Tenchi."  
  
" RYOKO!" he shouted again. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
" Having a nap, what's it look like," said Ryoko. She pulled the sheet back and went back to sleep. Tenchi then collapsed on to the floor while she slept.  
  
*****  
  
" And that was the best nap I ever had," said Ryoko smiling. Everyone looked at her strangely. " What?"  
  
" You did know that because of you eating our rice, I had to walk seven miles to the nearby store to get some more food. And that cost us the money we were going to use to get some more equipment for the house!" moaned Tenchi.  
  
" Like?"  
  
" More washing up powder, more toothpaste, the main essentials." Continued Tenchi. He then hang his head in shame and sighed. " We're never good on money."  
  
" I could always steal," said Ryoko.  
  
" NO!" shouted everyone.  
  
" How many times have we tried to win money through competitions?" asked Washu.  
  
" Loads, and it never seems to work," said Kiyone sighing. " I guess we're all to live on bare essentials."  
  
" Wait a minute, doesn't your dad get money for his job?" asked Ryoko turning to Tenchi.  
  
" Yeah, but he spends it on …..other things." Said Tenchi looking worried.  
  
******  
  
" Ah ha," said Noboyuki on the phone. " And you say if I order the swimsuit issue of International Women and I'll get a free blow up doll? Right, and if I subscribe to your magazine I get a car repair kit for only half price? Sounds fair. How much?" He then dropped the phone. " That much a month? But..oh you drive a hard deal sir."  
  
" What are you doing Dad?"  
  
" Just organising next year's holiday Tenchi."  
  
******  
" Little that I knew that within four months we had crate loads of swimsuit magazines!" said Tenchi. Ryoko noticed a box and opened it.  
  
" You mean these ones?" asked Ryoko looking in the box. Tenchi looked in and took out a copy of international swimsuit models one, with extra swimsuits.  
  
" Yeah! Those ones, so this is where he puts them."  
  
" I put them here," said Washu. " They started cramping up the lab!"  
  
" I see," said Tenchi pushing the box away. " What we're talking about?"  
  
" Money," said Kiyone.   
  
" Oh yeah," said Ryoko. " Do you remember the time you flew to America and took part in a quiz show!"  
  
" Don't remind me, Me and Mishosi could have walked away with a million, but then she had to bumble up on the last question."  
  



	2. Who wants to be a weakest link big broth...

" And you're on question 15 on who wants to be a millionaire couples in which work partners Kiyone and Mishosi could walk off with one million dollars. You have still one lifeline, phone a friend, it might come in handy here. Are you girls ready?"  
  
" Yes," said Mishosi and Kiyone looking at their monitors for the final question.  
  
" Here we go!" said Regis. " Question 15, for a million dollars, what are you afraid of it you suffer from ailuorphobia? A, bats. B, Cats. C, Rats. D, Gnats."  
  
" Ok," said Mishosi. " It's Rats!"  
  
" MISHOSI!" shouted Kiyone. " We have a life line, we can't take another one of your guesses! You almost cost us half a million!"  
  
" Alright," said Mishosi not taking it in. " Should we phone someone?"  
  
" That's the good idea," said Kiyone. " We'll phone a friend!"  
  
" Very well," said Regis. " Who do you want to call."  
  
" We'll call Was…."  
  
" RYOKO!" cried Mishosi.  
  
" Ryoko it is," said Regis.  
  
" MISHOSI!" screamed Kiyone.  
  
" Alright, let's phone Ryoko," said Regis. He dialled the number and it rang on the other end. It soon got picked up.  
  
" Hello?" asked Ryoko on the phone.  
  
" Hi, this is Regis from who wants to be a millionaire," said the quizmaster sitting in his chair. " Kiyone and Mishosi are here with me, wanting to win a million dollars, the only thing is they need your help with a question, you'll have 60 seconds to give them an answer."  
  
" DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" shouted Ryoko. " It's three in the morning and I've gone away form my post at Tenchi's door and now Ayeka's trying to get into his room."  
  
" That's the spirit," said Regis. " Mishosi, Kiyone, she's all yours."  
  
" Hi Ryoko," said Kiyone.  
  
" WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" shouted Ryoko. " I WANT SOME SLEEP!"  
  
" Alright, alright, just give us the answer to this question. What are you afraid of…."  
  
"…Ayeka sneaking into Tenchi's bedroom!"  
  
" I'm not finished!" shouted Kiyone. " What are you afraid from if you suffer from ailuorphobia? Bats, Cats, Rats, or Gnats?"  
  
" HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!" shouted Ryoko. " NO! AYEKA GET AWAY FROM HIS DOOR! I'M THE FIRST ONE TO FUCK HIM!"  
  
" My, she's feisty," said Regis in his chair giggling.  
  
" What's your answer Ryoko?" asked Kiyone.  
  
" YOU WANT AN ANSWER YOUR ANSWER IS THE WORD FU…."  
  
" Oh, I'm sorry," said Regis cutting Ryoko off. " Your time is up speaking to her."  
  
" Damn," said Kiyone.  
  
" We'll go with Rats!" said Mishosi.  
  
" Final answer?" asked Regis.  
  
" Yes!"  
  
" MISHOSI NO!" screamed Kiyone. But Rats lit up orange.  
  
" Alright," said Regis. " If you went with A, it would be wrong, if you went with D, it would be wrong. You went with C however……"  
  
" I can't bear this," groaned Kiyone.  
  
" You have lost up half a million dollars! The answer was B, cats."  
  
" WHAT!" screamed Kiyone. She fell out of her chair crying.   
  
" Oh well," said Mishosi. " There's always next time."  
  
******  
  
" There never was a next time," groaned Kiyone. " I've hated that show ever since; if we only called Washu instead of Ryoko, we might have won!"  
  
" Don't worry about it, we all had chances to walk away with money." said Tenchi patting her on the back. " Even Washu, she nearly won on the weakest link."  
  
" Until they voted me off!" snarled Washu folding her arms.  
  
******  
  
" Washu, you were the strongest link, you got every question right. But you were being smart; and this team didn't like you. But however with 4 votes, you are the weakest link, goodbye!" said Anne Robinson.  
  
" I'm not going, they only voted me off because I'm smarter than them!" shouted Washu.  
  
" If you won't go," said Anne. She clicked her fingers and two cameramen came on and grabbed Washu. " Then they'll remove you."  
  
" GET OFF ME!" screamed Washu being dragged off the stage. " I AM THE STRONGEST LINK! I DEMAN JUSTICE! I DEMAND JUSTICE!"  
  
******  
  
" Then I burned the prize money cheque before they handed it over to the winner who was a vicar," said Washu. " So, everyone went away empty handed."  
  
" Being voted off must be hard," said Tenchi. " I remember Ryoko going off for around a week or two to take part in some house competition, I think it was Big Brother."  
  
" Don't remind me," said Ryoko. " The other people in the house didn't like me, nor did the public. You didn't knew who was in there, these other people from Japan, one brought Pokemon with him and there were other ones who collected digimon and other people fought for dragonballs, it was scary!"  
  
******  
  
" And the first person to leave the Big Brother house will be….." there was a big pause. " Ryoko!"  
  
" HEY!" shouted Ryoko sitting on a chair. " THAT WAS RIGGED!"  
  
" No it wasn't," said Ash sitting next to her with his Pikachu on his lap.  
  
" SHUT UP YOU LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP!" shouted Ryoko. She punched him and he fell off his chair.  
  
******  
  
" I was evicted because I had been drinking all the alcohol and eating all the food."  
  
" Oh that's surprising," said Tenchi.  
  
" It's funny, we realise that things on TV are harder than they appear to be. Kiyone and Mishosi couldn't win on Millionaire. Ryoko was evicted from Big Brother and I was kicked off the weakest link." said Washu.  
  
" That is something I can agree on, I always like watching television instead of taking part in It." said Kiyone. " There some great shows out there."  
  
" Hey, did anyone watch those repeats of Dallas to find out who shot J.R?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" No, nobody knew in the end thanks to the constant interruptions of one person. Mishosi!"  
  
******  
  
" And the person who shot J.R was….." the programme on the television said.   
There was a giant paused. The entire Masaki residence leaned towards the television for the answer. There eyes were big; they were desperate for the answer they've been waiting for.   
  
" WHO SHOT J.R?" screamed Washu. " I've got to know!"  
  
" Alright kiddies, its time for Barney the purple dinosaur."   
  
" WHAT?" screamed everyone. The television channel had been changed to Barney. Everyone looked at each other and then noticed Mishosi watching from behind the couch with the remote control.  
  
" I love Barney," said Mishosi smiling. Everyone looked at Mishosi with angry looks on their faces. " You people love Barney?"  
  
" KILL HER!" shouted Kiyone.  
  
" BURN HER!" shouted Ryoko.  
  
" RIP HER DAMN HEAD OFF UNTIL SHE'S FINISHED!" shouted Ayeka.   
  
" LET'S GET HER!" shouted Samasi.  
  
All the girls suddenly jumped onto Mishosi and started pummelling her to pulp. There were loud screams coming from Mishosi who had Washu hitting her over the head with one of her dolls. Ryoko was punching her repeatedly in the stomach. Ayeka was pulling the arms of Mishosi out of their sockets; Kiyone was biting Mishosi's legs and Samasi was pouring hot fat from the frying pan over Mishosi's body. Meanwhile the guys just sat and watched. Yosho and Nobuyiki looked at each other with smiles on their faces.  
  
" This beats foxy women boxing on HBO!" cried Nobuyiki. Yosho nodded and they both clapped their hands together.  
  
*******  
  
" I think Mishosi was in hospital for a week," said Kiyone. " But it definitely wasn't the last time we had to do that to her. Remember when we were watching the end of that film, what was it called?"  
  
" Scream 3," said Ryoko helping Kiyone.  
  
" And we were going to find out who killed all those people and then….."  
  
*******  
  
" She shut me old of the cold, Sid, her only son…." The ghostface killer removed his mask. The entire Masaki residences were again on their seats ready to find out the answer. With popcorn buckets in their hands. They all wanted to know the truth about Sidney's mother.   
  
" This is tense," said Ryoko holding on to Tenchi. " I'm scared!"  
  
" Me too," said Ayeka also holding to Tenchi. " Hold me close Tenchi."  
  
" And the killer is…."  
  
" Hey kids, it's time for Barney!" cried the television. The channel had been changed again. They all turned to Mishosi who had the remote.  
  
" It's time for Barney," shouted Mishosi happily. Everyone stared at the dumb girl and paused. Mioshi realised what she done. " Uh-oh."  
  
" YOU BITCH!" screamed all the girls at Mishosi. They then grabbed Mishosi and took her outside.  
  
  
  
Tenchi, his father and his grandfather walked to the window to see what was happening. Ryoko was beating Mishosi senseless with a shovel. Kiyone was hitting Mishosi with a garden chair. Ayeka was whipping Mishosi angrily. Samasi was hitting her around the head with a frying pan. And Washu was running a lawnmower back and fourth over Mishosi's hair. The guys picked up their popcorn buckets and watched without a clue of how much pain Mishosi was in.  
  
*******  
  
  
" That stopped her doing it again, it took her six weeks to regrow a strip of hair," said Washu with a smile on her face.  
  
" But it didn't like the ending to scream 3," said Ryoko. " I wished that Sidney bitch died."  
  
" It's just a movie," said Tenchi to Ryoko. " Lots of bad movies are released and get lots of money back, like Battlefield Earth."  
  
" Tenchi!" said Washu. " When we came out of the cinema from seeing that pile of wasted John Travolta, you just happened to blurt out……"  
  
*******  
  
" Washu I like that film, the critics were wrong," said Tenchi walking with Washu from the cinema. A group of people walked by, picked Tenchi up and took him into an alleyway and started beating him. After four minutes of loud banging and crashing sounds, the group of people came out and turned to Washu.  
  
" Did you like the film?" asked the group.  
  
" Hell no, it didn't have a sensible plot!" said Washu immediately back at the group. The group nodded and walked on. Washu headed to the alleyway they took Tenchi; she found Tenchi with his head inside a bin and multiple whip lashings to his bottom and legs.  
  
" So you enjoyed it then?" asked Washu.  
  
" GET ME OUT OF HERE! I CAN'T FEEL MY BOTTOM!" screamed Tenchi.  
  
*******  
  
" Well, I can't say anything in your defence about that," said Ryoko. " I hated that film, even the DVD was crap!"  
  
" We don't have a DVD player!" said Washu. " Where did you watch a dvd movie?"  
  
" In Tokyo," said Ryoko. " When Tenchi moved there, when I couldn't find him, I usually went to the home entertainment department in the nearby mall."  
  
*******  
  
" Excuse me," said a clerk to Ryoko in a chair. " You've been here watching this film for four days, are you going to buy anything?"  
  
" No," said Ryoko sitting in a chair facing a variety of widescreen televisions showing Battlefield Earth on them.  
  
" Then," said the clerk clicking his fingers. A pair of clerks came out and removed her from the chair and from the store. " Bugger off!"  
  
" HEY! I WAS WATCHING THAT!" shouted Ryoko being dragged off.  
  
" Nonese, no one watches Battlefield Earth!"  



	3. 

" I never went to that store again," said Ryoko. She looked around. " What time is it?"  
  
" Nearly dinner time," said Washu looking at her watch. " I think we're going to be here a long time."  
  
" And it looks like we're going to have to sleep here too," said Kiyone looking around the small cupboard for somewhere to lie down. " I don't think there isn't enough room to lay down completely."  
  
" Well," said Ryoko snuggling up to Tenchi. " This is plenty of room to have a nap with Tenchi. Don't you think so Tenchi dear?"  
  
" Ryoko, stop that," said Tenchi moving away from Ryoko.  
  
" Come on, I need someone to keep me warm at night," said Ryoko with a sneaky grin on her face. She grabbed onto Tenchi again. " And you can keep me warm all night long."  
  
" What about us?" asked Washu sitting next to Kiyone with sad looks on our faces.  
  
" I am not going to sleep with anyone," said Tenchi.  
  
" YOUR GAY!" cried the three women in the same room as him.  
  
" I'm not gay!"  
  
" Prove it," said Ryoko. Tenchi frowned and looked around.  
  
" How?"   
  
" Kiss one of us right now! Preferably me!"  
  
" Ryoko," said Tenchi calmly. " You're not tricking me into kissing you!"  
  
" Come on, one small kiss on the lips."  
  
" No! Have you remembered all the times you've tried to seduce me?"  
  
  
******  
  
" I'm going to bed," said Tenchi tired from another day of hard work of school. He quickly got changed into his black T-shirt and shorts and pulled back his bedsheet to get in his bed. He then jumped of what he saw.  
  
" RYOKO!" screamed Tenchi seeing Ryoko in his bed wearing only a nightgown. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?"  
  
" Waiting for you to come in and snuggle!" said Ryoko in a seductive voice. Tenchi collapsed on to the floor with his nosebleeding. Ryoko just looked at the knocked out teenager on the floor. " You think I look better with this gown off?"  
  
******  
  
" Ah," said Tenchi in the shower washing himself. " I feel so much better. All that yard work makes me tired and…."  
  
" Hey Tenchi," said Ryoko jumping on Tenchi's back. " Mind if I wash with you?"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tenchi going red and waving his arms around while a naked Ryoko was holding on to him. " RYOKO GET OFF ME!"  
  
******  
  
" Ah," said Tenchi in one of the many baths in the floating springs. " Some peace and quite."  
  
" Hey sweetie," said Ryoko seductively submerging out of the surface in front of him. " Mind if I join you?"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tenchi.  
  
******  
  
" Who is knocking on my bedroom door at a time like this?" asked Tenchi stumbling across his bedroom floor and to his bedroom door. The door was knocking. He opened the door and Ryoko stood there in a nightgown. " Now what?"  
  
" Having trouble sleeping?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" Well no but…." Ryoko removed her nightgown in front of him and pushed him into his bedroom; closing and locking the door as she came in. " RYOKO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
" Don't you see I want Tenchi?" asked Ryoko jumping on top of him. " Come on, one night only?"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tenchi jumping up and smashing himself through the nearby window and diving into the lake. Ryoko ran to window and looked out to see Tenchi swimming away.  
  
" YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM ME MY LOVE! I'LL FIND YOU AND WE'LL MAKE THE BEST LOVE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!" shouted Ryoko from the window.  
  
" WILL YOU SHUT UP?" screamed Washu poking her head into Tenchi's bedroom.  
  
******  
  
  
" Well," said Ryoko. " No one's perfect."  
  
" Oh yeah," said Tenchi rolling his eyes up at Ryoko. " Those few were part of the near 5000 attempts you've tried to get me to sleep with you."  
  
" Was it more than Ayeka?"  
  
" No, Ayeka didn't do anything of the sort!"  
  
" I see, but it must be romantic that I've tried so many times and you've counted the many ways of which I want you so bad and…" She then remembered Washu and Kiyone were looking at her, frightened of what they've just been told. "….What have the pair of you tried to seduce anyone before?"  
  
" No," said Washu. " Besides, good thing you mentioned Ayeka along with all this seduction! She took you to court on the grounds of sexual harassment of Tenchi. And it all ended in chaos when you had to defend yourself."  
  
******  
  
" Defence," said the judge to Ryoko. " You have not made one single proof of evidence that you did not commit the 5000 charges of sexual harassment. I urge you to make your point now of anything now!"  
  
" Urge?" asked Ryoko standing in front of the judge. She then busted out singing grubbing her hair with her hands. " I'VE GOT THE URGE!"  
  
" SHE'S GOT THE URGE!" shouted a group of voices from behind a door.  
  
The door to the courtroom got kicked down and a group of guys came in with a large chair, washing basin, a water spray and shampoo. They ran over the bench, past the prosecution table where Tenchi, Ayeka and Washu were sitting and over to Ryoko. They picked Ryoko up and dumped in her the chair and started washing her hair.  
  
" With herbal essensences, we can make Ryoko's hair smell more lovely than ever," said one of the group of men washing her hair. The group then sniffed Ryoko's hair.  
  
" MMMMMMMMMM, MINTY!"  
  
" I knew she had this planned as a last resort," said Washu next to Tenchi.  
  
" And that was Miss Washu?" asked Ayeka.  
  
" Selling Shampoo to the judge."  
  
" ORDER IN THIS COURT ROOM!" shouted the Judge smashing her hammer on the table. The group washing Ryoko's hair stopped and looked at the judge. " Miss Ryoko!"  
  
" Yes your honour?" asked Ryoko sitting her chair with a towel wrapped around her hair.   
  
" If you get me some of that shampoo to me now, I'll drop all the charges against you."  
  
" Yes your honour." said Ryoko. She then turned to Ayeka, Tenchi and Washu and smiled. " I'm great aren't I?"  
  
" Oh brother," moaned Tenchi while Ayeka and Washu were banging their heads on the table.  
  
******  
  
" And the judge and I became best friends afterwards." said Ryoko folding her arms.  
  
" And that was the most twisted moment of my life," said Tenchi. " Apart from Ryoko trying to bury my head in her breasts a few days back."  
  
" Well, if I was your defence lawyer, I would have won that case!" said Kiyone with a smug look on her face.  
  
" How?" asked Washu. " By constant shouting?"  
  
******  
  
" DID YOU EAT MY CAKE MISHOSI?" screamed Kiyone at Mishosi who was holding a plate with cake crumbs on it and the words Kiyone's cake written across the plate.  
  
" No." said Mishosi trying to calm her partner down.  
  
" DID YOU EAT MY CAKE?"  
  
" No."  
  
" DID YOU EAT MY CAKE?"  
  
" No.  
  
" DID YOU EAT MY CAKE?"  
  
" NO!" cried Mishosi.  
  
" MISHOSI, YOU'RE LYING TO ME! TELL ME THE TRUTH NOW BEFORE YOU ENTER A WORLD OF PAIN!"  
  
" I DIDN'T EAT YOUR CAKE!"  
  
" YES YOU DID!"  
  
" NO I DIDN'T!"  
  
" ADMIT TO THE TRUTH MISHOSI! NO GALAXY POLICE OFFICER COULD HOLD THE TRUTH FROM THE COURT OF LAW!"  
  
" ALRIGHT!" screamed Mishosi. " I WAS THE ONE WHO KISSED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING. YOU LOOKED SO PRETTY!"  
  
Kiyone just paused and had a big gulping look on her face. She then paused and then got up.  
  
" I'm off to my doctor now," said Kiyone quietly. " BYE!" she then ran out of the room.  
  
" And I did eat your cake Kiyone."  
  
******  
  
" Now, I don't want to be in the same room as Mishosi." said Kiyone. " I'm scared of her."  
  
" Kiyone," said Washu. " She's not that scary, if you remember the time we all came back from the baths to discover Tenchi's father and Yosho all dressed in our clothing. Now that's scary!"  
  
******  
  
" That was a good bath don't you think?" asked Ryoko walking back to the house with Ayeka, Mishosi, Samasi, Kiyone and Washu.  
  
" That new fountain really brought out the class of that bath. That was a good suggestion Little Washu," said Ayeka.  
  
" I have to admit, I really am a genius some times." said Washu smug with herself.  
  
" You are," said Samasi. " Now let's get back and get dinner cooking."  
  
The group of girls walked across the pathway and arrived at the front door of the Masaki house. Samasi took out her key and started to open the front door. But as she opened it, there was some loud music playing. The girls paused and looked at each other.  
  
" Are they at a concert or something?" asked Ryoko. She pushed opened the door and walked in. The other girls just stood at the doorway unsure of anything.  
  
" What's going on in there?" asked Kiyone. They then heard a scream and the girls ran into the hallway where Ryoko was standing looking into the living room with a shocked look on her face. With her eyes big and mouth wide open, she turned to the other five girls and pointed into the living.  
  
" Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" asked Washu looking in with the other girls.  
  
The six girls saw, in the middle of the living room. Nobuyiki and Yosho dressed up in the girls' clothes. Nobuyiki was wearing Ryoko's blue and yellow dress with the tail belt; on his head was Ayeka's headdress. Yosho was dressed up in Ayeka's clothes and wore Kiyone's galaxy police cap on top of his head; he was sitting on Washu's floating pillow as well. Both of them we're singing ' I'm every woman.' The girls just stood there in the doorway with their jaws opens and their hearts beating very slowly. Then they all collapsed backwards on to the floor. After a few minutes, Tenchi came back home.  
  
" Hi guys, anyone miss me?" asked Tenchi looking into the living room and seeing his father and grandfather. " HOLY SHIT!"  
  
" Hi son," said Nobuyiki waving. " Now I can explain…." Tenchi then collapsed along with the girls on the floor. He lay on top of Ryoko. The two older men looked at each other and shrugged and they started to dance again.  
  
******  
  
" I needed six bottles of Sake to put that memory away," said Ryoko whimpering while shivering. " I'm scared now, someone hold me!" She jumped on to Tenchi.  
  
" Need I have to remind you that me, my father and grand father came hold to the same sight! ONLY WITH YOU WEARING OUR CLOTHES!" cried Tenchi.  
  
******  
  
" That was a hard day at work," said Nobuyiki opening the front door. " How about a drink father?"  
  
" That does sound nice," said Yosho standing with his son in law and grandson on the front porch. Then the three heard loud music. " Seems someone's having fun."  
  
" And why do they have it up so loud?" asked Nobuyiki covering his ears. " Tenchi! Go in there and find out what's going on."  
  
" Alright!" moaned Tenchi walking into the house, across the hallway and to the living room. " What are you guys doing and…." Tenchi just froze at what he saw.  
  
" IT'S RAINING MEN!" sung Ryoko. " IT'S RAINING MEN! OH YEAH." She then noticed Tenchi. " Hey Tenchi."  
  
" Morning Lord Tenchi," said Ayeka who was standing next to Ryoko.  
  
" What? What…WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" asked Tenchi looking at the two girls who were wearing his and his father clothes. Ryoko was wearing Nobuyiki's gold shirt and brown trousers while Ayeka was wearing Tenchi's brown jacket and blue jeans. They had been drinking and both been singing to 'It's Raining Men'  
  
" Having a girls night in," said Ryoko a little drunk. " Want to join the party and sing a long?"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tenchi running out of the house and far far away to another country.  
  
******* 


	4. Ryoko and Ayeka's tango incident, trip t...

" You know Tenchi," said Ryoko rolling her eyes up. " You are pointless with women sometimes, you just can't handle being with them for a hour or two."  
  
" LET ME OUT!" screamed Tenchi banging against the door. " THEY'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY!"  
  
" Naughty isn't the half of it," said Ryoko pulling Tenchi away from the door.   
  
" If I can remember that was the only time you didn't cause an argument with Ayeka. That must have been quite an achievement," said Washu.  
  
" No it wasn't," said Ryoko. Everyone seemed a little shocked to hear this from the space pirate. " I remember, the last time me and Ayeka got drunk we ended up doing the Tango in the kitchen. Mishosi saw us when she was getting a snack from the kitchen."  
  
******  
  
" Where did Kiyone put her brand new cheesecake," said Mishosi rummaging through the kitchen.  
  
" TANGO!" shouted a voice from the living room. Mishosi quickly closed the fridge door as the kitchen door got kicked wide open.   
  
Tango music was being played in the living room; strangely enough to Mishosi. Ayeka and Ryoko were doing the Tango; Ryoko leading the dance with a rose in her mouth. The two were red in the face and obviously had a little too much to drink. Both still in their daytime clothes, both reeking of Sake and both in the trance of the tango music, they passed Mishosi and over to the sink.  
  
" 1, 2 , 3, 4 and spin," said Ryoko turning herself and Ayeka around from the sink and they walked past Mishosi once more. The two in mid dance stopped and looked at each other; without knowing Mishosi was there watching.   
  
" May I lead Ryoko dear?" asked Ayeka in a mix of seductiveness and shyness. She thought that Ryoko was like Tenchi. She leaned her head forward and bit the rose out of Ryoko's mouth and started to lead the two tangoing women back into the living room. A short laughter was heard from the living room a short while later.  
  
" Um…." said Mishosi standing there by the fridge in her nightgown. "…I think I'll go back to bed now!"  
  
******  
  
" So it was true," said Kiyone. " I thought Mishosi was going mad."  
  
" But it didn't turn out happily ever after," said Ryoko lowering her head to look at the ground. " It had kind of a sour note."  
  
******  
  
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP  
  
" Huh?" asked Ryoko lifting her head off the pillow to look at an alarm clock. It was seven in the morning. " Piss off, I'm sleeping here!" She threw the alarm clock off the bedside cabinet and onto the floor; she closed her eyes and rested her head back on the pillow.  
  
" Did you shut off the alarm?" asked Ayeka.  
  
" Yes, I did," said Ryoko not noticing her. She rolled over in her bed and opened her eyes seeing Ayeka lying in the bed next to her. " Morning Ayeka." Ayeka opened her eyes to see Ryoko in front of her.  
  
" Morning Ryoko," said Ayeka. The two girls closed their eyes and then after a second, both opened their eyes.  
  
" WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?" shouted Ryoko and Ayeka at each other. They paused for a second and looked under the bed sheet of the bed they we're in. Both with concerned and shocked looks on their faces both looked at each other.  
  
" Please…." said Ayeka scared. "…Please do not say that we…"  
  
"…we didn't!" said Ryoko quickly. " We didn't and that's final."  
  
" So…." said Ayeka looking over her side of the bed and seeing her daytime dress. "….Why are our clothes scattered on the floor around us?"  
  
" Huh?" asked Ryoko looking over her side of the bed to see her red, green and orange dress crumpled on the floor. She then paused and turned back to Ayeka. " Are you sure we we're in our own beds?"  
  
" Ryoko…." said Ayeka. " I can remember us doing the tango, drinking Sake and then giggling like little schoolgirls over something. And think this was this something."  
  
" NO WAY!" shouted Ryoko. " I'm not, and I know your not, this type of girl. We would never, never, never, never, never, in a million years be in this situation right about…."  
  
" Morning Ayeka," said Tenchi opening the door with some mail in his hand. " I got your mail and…." he then saw Ayeka and Ryoko in the bed. "….What is Ryoko doing in that bed with you?" He then noticed the clothes on the floor. " Is there something you two having been telling me?" He then asked in a sheepish tone.  
  
" Tenchi," said Ryoko getting out of the bed and standing in front of Tenchi. Tenchi's jaw dropped. " It's not what you think!"  
  
" I'VE GOT TO GO!" shouted Tenchi quickly. " I'll leave you two lesbians…I mean girls to your sexual…I mean busy needs." He then left. Ryoko looked at Ayeka.  
  
" I think this isn't a dream!" moaned Ryoko starting to whimper.  
  
" It certainly isn't, who would wake up and find out that they're sleeping in the same bed as another woman, both naked!" screeched Ayeka. They both paused and looked at each other.  
  
" WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" the girls screamed.  
  
" KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" shouted Washu poking her head in. " I'm trying to do some science formulas and I can't have you two lesbians screaming out loud like last night. And Ryoko, get some damn clothes on!" Washu closed the door. Both girls knew the truth.  
  
" WE HAD LESBIAN SEX!" screamed both girls.  
  
******  
  
" Are you sure you two just accidentally got into the wrong bed?" asked Kiyone. Ryoko grabbed her by the neck.  
  
" HOW CAN I TELL WHEN I WAS DRUNK AS A SHITLESS SAILOR?" asked Ryoko angrily.  
  
" Calm down Ryoko," said Washu pulling Ryoko off Kiyone. " We all do things when we're drunk."  
  
" Name a effect on someone that is worse than me!" said Ryoko folding her arms and turning away from the genius.  
  
" Well….remember what Tenchi did when we accidentally drunk a bottle of Sake all by himself?"  
  
" I don't remember this," said Tenchi.  
  
" That's because you were drunk thanks to Ryoko spiking your drink!"  
  
******  
  
" You….are the most cutest thing I have ever….eaten….do you have a….fax number of something?" asked Tenchi a little drunk, way drunk. Ryo-oki just sat there twitching his nose. " I'll take that as….you don't want me."  
  
"Meow!" yelped Ryo-oki.   
  
" What? I'm not gay?"  
  
" Your not gay, your sexy," said Ryoko sitting next to Tenchi.  
  
" Who said that?" asked Tenchi looking around, stumbling around senseless.  
  
" I did," said Ryoko turning Tenchi around so he faced her.  
  
" Mother?" asked Tenchi.  
  
" I'm not your mother, I'm your… your wife." said Ryoko thinking that the sherbet powder from the sweets really make Tenchi drunk as a dingbat when it was added to the Sake he was drinking.  
  
" I'm married? When did I get…divorced?"  
  
" You've never been divorced," said Ryoko with a seductive yet evil grin. " How about me and you go to our bedroom and have a martial talk?"  
  
" Do I have to walk?" asked Tenchi with his head spinning mentally.  
  
" It's just up those stairs in our house and…" Tenchi fell off the couch and landed on the floor. Ryoko sighed. " Oh well, the floor it is."  
  
" I don't feel good," said Tenchi. He then threw up on the carpet. Ryoko jumped up and held on to a beam on the ceiling.   
  
" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT YELLOW SHIT?"  
  
******  
  
" You spiked my drink?" asked Tenchi to Ryoko confused.  
  
" It was April's fools day, I wanted to trick you. Just that was the only one I could think of," said Ryoko shrugging.  
  
" Good thing Tenchi vomited or Tenchi might have been Ryoko's play toy," said Washu dreading what Ryoko would have done.  
  
" Is that the only time anyone else has got drunk? Apart from the me and Ayeka tango fiasco."  
  
" How about the time Washu drank too much Coffee?" said Kiyone.  
  
" I didn't know that coffee had caffeine in it!"  
  
******  
  
" OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!" cried Washu with excitement clapping her hands together. " I CAN CREATE MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE INVENTIONS FOR MY USE OF WORLD CONQUEST! YIPPIE!"   
  
" Er Washu," said Ayeka sitting next to Washu at the dinner table. " Have you been drinking?"  
  
" I don't drink? Me Drink? Ha, I don't drink! When was the last time I drank a bottle of sake? Huh? When was the last time I drink? By the way where's my coffee, I want more coffee. Can't get enough of coffee!" said Washu rapidly under the effect of the caffeine.  
  
" Ryoko," said Ayeka. " You did give her a cup of coffee earlier?"  
  
" Yeah, I used the granules from that red pot of Coffee that Tenchi uses to get his father a cup of coffee. What's so special about it?" asked Ryoko opposite the princess eating a rice cake.  
  
" That was highly caffeine levelled coffee! How strong was the cup you gave her?"  
  
" Oh I filled half the cup full of the powder."  
  
" WHAT?" shouted Ayeka.  
  
" I am the greatest woman in all of science!" said Washu. " In a matter of fact, I am the greatest sexy genius of all time. I know what I'll do; I build a ray gun and shoot birds with it. I am such a genius. By the way where's my coffee?" asked Washu again rapidly.  
  
" Is there a way to shut her off?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" Hold on," said Ayeka taking out a medical bag from under the table. She took out a syringe and injected Washu with it.  
  
" There wasn't anything in there though," said Ryoko. Washu then collapsed. " What happened?"  
  
" The cure for caffeine addiction," said Ayeka. " Injecting them with air!"  
  
" Doesn't that kill them or something?" Ryoko asked concerned for the lifeless professor on the floor. Ayeka and Ryoko looked at each other and then screamed.  
  
******  
  
" Thank god there was a little drop of sleeping liquid was in that syringe. You and Ayeka are always hopeless when it comes to dealing with problems. All you two cared about is Tenchi."  
  
" Hey! It wasn't my idea to inject you!" shouted Ryoko.  
  
" But it was your idea to take our family earnings and go to the casino with Ayeka in a chance to increase the money and try to get Tenchi impressed." Said Kiyone. " You two came back so penniless."  
  
******  
  
" All on black!" shouted Ryoko pushing her chips on to the black counter on the rollute table.  
  
" Are you sure we should do this?" asked Ayeka. " If we loose all this money, how do it we explain it?"  
  
" I dunno…we spent all on strippers who looked like Tenchi," said Ryoko shrugging. The dealer spun the wheel and put the little metal ball in to the wheel. It rolled around and then came to a stop along with the wheel. The dealer looked at it.  
  
" Red 5," said the dealer. He took Ryoko's chips and walked off. The two women looked at each other and then headed to the exit.  
  
" What did these strippers look like?" asked Ayeka walking.  
  
" Like Tenchi and we we're so attracted to them and…." Ryoko added walking along with her.  
  
******  
  
" That was a story I REALLY found hard to believe," said Tenchi. " When did I have twin brothers?"  
  
" I dunno, me and Ayeka made the story up!" said Ryoko.  
  
" You and Ayeka are always being silly, you either fight or you get into each other's beds," said Washu.   
  
" But the fights will always be remembered."  
  
******  
  
" I've got Tenchi's shirt!" shouted Ryoko jumping up and down with Tenchi's blue shirt. " It's got the scent of a man I love!"  
  
" Your not allowed that shirt, I deserve to sniff it as well," cried Ayeka trying to snatch the shirt out of Ryoko's hands.  
  
" Back off bitch, I'm in flavour country!" snarled Ryoko pushing Ayeka away. She took a deep smell of the shirt and then coughed and smiled. " Boy you can get addicted to that quickly!"  
  
******  
  
" I get to sleep in Tenchi's bed this evening," said Ayeka getting into Tenchi's bed.   
  
" No! I do! Tenchi wants me and my perfect body!" cried Ryoko getting into Tenchi's bed and pushing Ayeka out of the bed.  
  
" HE WANTS MY BODY!" shouted Ayeka jumping back into the bed and starting to throttle Ryoko.  
  
" I HAVE BIGGER CUP SIZE!" shouted Ryoko grabbing on to Ayeka's hair and pulling it.  
  
" I HAVE MORE MANNERS!" shouted Ayeka still strangling Ryoko.  
  
" I WATCH HIM SHOWER!"  
  
" I SEE HIM SHAVE!"  
  
" I SEE HIM ON THE TOILET!"  
  
" HE'S SEEN ME SLEEPING!"  
  
" HE'S SEEN ME NAKED!"  
  
" HE TOUCHED ME!"  
  
" HE TOUCHED MY BREASTS!"  
  
" HE BUMPED INTO MY BOTTOM!"  
  
" HE MADE A PASS AT ME!"  
  
" HE SUGGESTED A PINIC TO ME!"  
  
  
" I'M A VIRGIN WITH A DROP DEAD GOREGOUS BODY TO DIE FOR!"  
  
" SO AM I BUT EVEN PURER"  
  
" WHY DON'T THE PAIR OF YOU KEEP THAT NOISE DOWN OR YOU'LL LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY BY GETTING HIT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER!" screamed Washu poking her head into Tenchi's room. " AND STOP TRYING TO GET IN EACH OTHER'S PANTS!"  
  
******  
  
" Tenchi's my fiancé," said Ryoko showing her right hand with a diamond ring on. " He gave me the ring!"  
  
" No, Lord Tenchi's getting married to Me." said Ayeka showing her right hand with the ring on.  
  
" Tenchi and I are getting married and having a wedding on the moon and Entertainment Tonight's going to feature it!"  
  
" Lord Tenchi and I will rule the planet Jurai while you can go and see what you can find in the one night stand bin!"  
  
" You just want him so you can have children to carry on your family. After twenty babies coming out you'll divorce him!"  
  
" You just want him as your toy boy so you can play with him every night and morning and god knows when! And also try…. sexual things I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT!"  
  
" Girls, girls, girls," moaned Tenchi. " I'm not getting married to anyone. You two just found the rings in my room because…. I'm getting married to Washu."  
  
" WHAT?????" screamed Ayeka and Ryoko together. They looked at Washu.  
  
" It's a joke! Honest!" smiled Washu. The Masaki house then exploded.  
  
******  
  
" Actually, those rings were a gift from my mother to me, if I ever was to get married." Said Tenchi. " I can't see that happening for a long time!"  
  
" I could make it happen shorter," said Ryoko. " If you catch my drift."  
  
" Oh, do you have a job?" said Tenchi questionably.   
  
" Don't you?"  
  
" I'm not good with jobs!"  
" Therefore," said Washu sighing. " We got those self help tapes. God, they drove this house crazy."  
  
" I think I got 'How to be brave tape'." Said Ryoko. " With bad results."  
  
******  
  
" How can you sleep at night?" said the voice on the tape to Ryoko while she was sitting in her bed. " You're a wimp! A plan old Wimp just because you can't get what you want your way. The way you get things is by the Self Help way!"  
  
" Really?" asked Ryoko with cassette headphones over her head. " How?"  
  
" By being a tiger!"  
  
" A Tiger?"  
  
" Yes! A furious Tiger!"  
  
" How?" asked Ryoko confused at what the tape was saying.  
  
" Roar!"  
  
" Roar?"  
  
" YES! ROAR LIKE YOU'RE THE KING OF THE JUNGLE!"  
  
Ryoko just shrugged and gave a quiet roar.  
  
" I CAN'T HEAR YOU! ROAR AGAIN!"  
  
Ryoko did the same again.  
  
" LOUDER!"  
  
" GRRRRRRRRR," roared Ryoko going along with the tape.  
  
" LOUDER!"  
  
" GRRRRRRRRR," roared Ryoko a little louder.  
  
" NOW GIVE IT YOUR ALL!"  
  
" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" roared Ryoko loudly.  
  
" WHO'S THE BOSS!"  
  
" I AM!" screamed Ryoko.  
  
" THEN GO GET WHAT YOU WANT!"  
  
" I WILL!" shouted Ryoko. She kicked door her bedroom door and marched down to Tenchi's bedroom. She blew the door down with her fist.  
  
" HUH?" asked Tenchi sitting up in his bed awake.  
  
" YOUR MINE!" snarled Ryoko jumping into the room on top of Tenchi.  
  
" RYOKO GET OFF OF ME!" shouted Tenchi. Ryoko pinned him down.   
  
" OH NO! YOUR GOING TO ENJOY THIS IF IT KILLS YOU AND…." She then got hit on the head with baseball bat. Ryoko rolled off the bed dazed. Tenchi looked to see Ayeka there with a baseball hat on.  
  
" And that's how you hit a home run!" said Ayeka's tape. " Thank you for listening to taking your stress out on others!"  
  
" Ayeka?" asked Tenchi scared as hell. Ayeka, in a trance by her self help tape noticed Tenchi staring at her.  
  
" WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" screamed Ayeka to Tenchi.  
  
******   



	5. Fame, Mouse kicking, and Love Boats

" I have to admit, we do see some strange things gone on in our house," said Tenchi. " God, this is boring looking back on all this."  
  
" Actually, it's not that bad." Said Kiyone. " We've learned stuff from other people that we never knew. Like Ryoko and Ayeka having a fling together. Your Father and Grandfather like dressing up in our clothes. Ryoko would stoop to any low to get you in bed with her. And we learned for the matter of the fact is that your father is indeed a perverted monkey."  
  
" Hey, we forget something," said Ryoko. " What about all the great people we've met."  
  
" Such as?" asked Washu.  
  
" I dunno, hey remember the time we got investigating for doing alien activities."  
  
******  
  
Ding Dong.  
  
" I'll get it," said Tenchi walking to the front door. He opened it, two people stood there. One brown haired man and a red haired woman. Tenchi not knowing who they were just greeted them.  
  
" Hi there," said Tenchi rubbing his face giving a confused smile. " What can I do for you?"  
  
" Are you Mr Masaki?" asked the man.  
  
" Yes, I am."  
  
" Fox Mulder FBI," said the man taking out his wallet and showing his FBI badge to Tenchi.  
  
" And I'm Dana Scully," said the woman taking out her wallet and showing Tenchi her FBI badge. Tenchi looked at both and them and then looked at the agents.  
  
" Er, you have each other's wallets." Said Tenchi. Mulder looked at his badge, it was Scully's. Scully had Mulder's badge.  
  
" Why does this always happen?" asked Mulder giving Scully her badge back while Scully gave Mulder's badge back.  
  
" Why are the FBI in Japan?" asked Tenchi. The two agents looked at Tenchi.  
  
" He knows the terrible dark secret that we've found out." Said Mulder.  
  
" What secret?" asked Tenchi and Scully together.  
  
" That this man lives with six women from another universe!" cried Mulder. Scully groaned and hit her partner over the head.  
  
" Jesus Mulder, is that why we came out here? Just to find more stupid Aliens? You watch this show all the time and you think that alien women do live here!" said Scully. " I want Skinner to give me a transfer."  
  
" But Scully listen," said Mulder. " There are alien women living at this house. This will be proof that aliens live here on our planet. For once we'll be ahead of those damn MIBs. Tenchi, do you have aliens living in your house?"  
  
" I live with my father, grandfather, six women and a strange cat like bunny rabbit animal."  
  
" What cat like bunny rabbit animal?"  
  
" This one," said Tenchi showing Ryo-oki to the agents. " Say hi Ryo-oki."  
  
" Meow," said the strange creature.  
  
" OH MY GOD! ANOTHER SPIECES THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN!" screamed Scully.  
  
" Hold it right there," said a voice. Tenchi and the agents looked behind them and saw two people dressed in black. One white man and one black man both with weird looking guns.  
  
" Oh my God," screamed Mulder. " It's Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith!"  
  
" They've got on to us," cried Scully.  
  
" Mr Mulder, Miss Scully, your violating rule number 456754 of the Anime Universe Alien code." Said Tommy Lee Jones aiming his gun at Mulder.  
  
" Yeah, that means move away from that damn lucky bastard who gets six women and head back to America and get on with your crap Tv show!" said Will Smith. " Plus I've got another album to write!"  
  
" Why don't you get back to your crap animation show," snarled Mulder.  
  
" We got funded by Disney and now have a ride at Universal Studios Florida where you have nothing but sad spin off shows like the Lone Gunmen." Said Jones.  
  
" But they rarely show in our episodes anymore!"  
  
" Plus you can't think of a good episode, like that weatherman who could control the weather with his feelings. DAMN! That was awful." Said Will.  
  
" Well….it takes….a long….while to….write…a..decent episode." Said Mulder thinking.  
  
" If you could think of one!"  
  
" THAT'S IT!" shouted Mulder. " I've had it! It's time to settle this difference of who's the galaxy protection is."  
  
" We would just beat your asses anytime," said Will. The two agents and the two men in black suddenly ran at each and started beating the hell out of each other. Tenchi confused of what's going on just stood on his porch.   
  
" What's with this damn universe." Said Tenchi rolling his eyes up. Ryoko and Washu came out onto the porch. " Hey guys, why you out here."  
  
" We were doing mother daughter stuff but heard the fight going on between X-files and MIB." Said Washu. " Who's winning?"  
  
" I think that Dana Scully woman just kicked Will Smith in the privates," said Ryoko looking out.  
  
*******  
  
" How on earth did they get there?" asked Tenchi. " Did someone try to sell our story to the newspaper again?"  
  
" ah…." Said Ryoko rolling her eyes up.  
  
*******  
  
" Listen buddy! This is a story of romance, action, and adventure with a hint of Sci-fi. Yes! It's gonna kick the crap out of Gladiator. No; it won't cost millions. If you want Oscars you got to get a great director, like…I dunno some great director. It offer stands Mr Spielburg, ten million yen to get a hold of the rights to our life story." Ryoko then put the phone down.  
  
" How it go?" asked Ayeka sitting next to Ryoko.  
  
" I dunno, he wanted to make another dinosaur movie," said Ryoko. She picked up the phone again. " What's the number for Fox Television? After I call them, then we'll call Sony."  
  
*******  
  
" Anyway," said Ryoko quickly changing the subject. " It wasn't as much scarier when we went to New York and found a coffee bar."  
  
" Oh yeah, Central Perk."  
  
*******  
  
" Here we go," said Tenchi opening the café door and letting the girls go past him. " A nice American Café"   
  
" WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed the audience. Tenchi and the girls looked around.  
  
" What was that?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" Beats me," said Kiyone.  
  
" Maybe we won a prize or something." Said Mioshi.  
  
" Don't be that stupid," said Washu. Two people sitting on a couch at the far each of the café looked over their shoulders seeing Tenchi and the group.  
  
" Hey Joey, isn't that some group of famous people who are trying to restart their careers in television?"  
  
" No Chandler, that's just extras. Though that girl with the cyan hair's hot."  
  
*******  
  
" I thought those two guys looked familiar," said Ryoko. " I punched one of them for saying how you doing."  
  
" That made headlines." Said Washu taking out a paper with a picture of Ryoko punching Joey from Friends with the headlines 'Record breaking audiences as girl punches Joey'.  
  
" I was so famous," said Ryoko blushing.  
  
" And then you had to go to Disney Land and start to attack Mickey Mouse." Said Tenchi.   
  
" And that was so fun!"  
  
*******  
  
" LISTEN MR MOUSE!" snarled Ryoko kicking Mickey Mouse on the floor. " I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR STUPID ANIMATED MOVIES IN WHICH CHARACTERS START SINGING EVERY SIX MINUTES! IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO A GOOD ANIME FILM!"  
  
" Listen miss…" said Mickey. He got kicked "…OW…Disney have produced other classic movies for the entire family."  
  
" Name one good one and I won't break your nuts." Said Ryoko.  
  
" Fantasia," said Mickey. " Original and 2000."  
  
" THAT WAS CRAP MIXING ANIMATION WITH CLASSICAL MUSIC!" screamed Ryoko. She then repeatedly kicked Mickey in the privates.  
  
" AH!" screamed Mickey getting repeatedly kicked. " Pluto…OW….Donald….OW….Goofy…OW! Help Mickey!"  
  
" We rather go to Warner Brothers," said Donald. Goofy nodded and Pluto barked.  
  
" Hey Washu," said Ryoko still beating Mickey Mouse up. " Get a picture!"  
  
" Alright Ryoko," said Washu taking out a camera and taking a picture of Ryoko punching Mickey in the mouth. " Boy we can put this up on the internet."  
  
******  
  
" We also made headlines and saved many animated studios from going bankrupted," said Washu folding her arms happy with herself. " Me and Ryoko have saved the world from crap stuff."  
  
" I guess all this fame really does take it out on you," said Ryoko. " You get famous for beating people up and you get millions."  
  
" And then you try to open a musical called Ryoko: The Goddess of men." Moaned Tenchi.  
  
" It was a success!"  
  
" Then why did the audience have their fingers in their ears?" asked Kiyone.  
  
******  
  
" AND I'L ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" shouted Ryoko trying to sing to her audience. The audience really couldn't take it anymore. Everyone started screaming and ran out of the theatre. Ryoko stopped and looked at the empty arena.  
  
" Was I that good or what?" asked Ryoko to herself. Tenchi and Ayeka came out.  
  
" I knew we should have done our juggling act first." Said Tenchi rolling his eyes up.  
  
" At least the audience would be here for more than five minutes." Said Ayeka.  
  
******  
  
" Do I have a bad singing voice. Have you heard my rendition of Another Day in Paradise?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" NO DON'T SING!" screamed everyone in the cabinet.  
  
" Damn," said Ryoko shaking her head.  
  
" Well, we all went out and got success like Ryoko. Washu, you did something successful didn't you."  
  
" Well, I replaced Anne Robinson as the host of the Weakest Link. I learnt my lesson from being a contestant and now tried to be really mean to the contestants."  
  
******  
  
" Ash," said Washu looking at him. " What do you do?"  
  
" I'm a Pokemon trainer," said Ash. " I have a Pikachu."  
  
" Then you didn't know what a chamander evolved into?"  
  
" Yes."  
  
" Then why didn't you get the question right?"  
  
" I…."  
  
" ADMIT IT!" shouted Washu. " YOUR NOT A POKEMON TRAINER! YOUR JUST AN ACTOR!"  
  
" I am!" cried Ash starting to cry uncontrollably. Washu cleared her throat.  
  
" However, with four votes, you are the weakest link, piss off." Said Washu not looking at Ash.  
  
******  
  
" I got fired for being too mean." Said Washu.  
  
" And I got my own chat show," said Kiyone proudly. " It was one of the highest rated in the U.S alone."  
  
" Then why did you quit?"  
  
" Too many Sex Scandals."  
  
******  
  
" Welcome to Kiyone. Today, we talk to people who have yet more affairs behind their lovers back. Meet Tenchi, hello Tenchi."  
  
" Er…hi Kiyone," said Tenchi sitting in a chair with around 100 people looking at him.  
  
" Tell us what you do for a living?"  
  
" I live at home with six…I mean…five beautiful women."  
  
" And what's your relationship with all of them?"  
  
" I've slept with around three of them," said Tenchi with his head down.  
  
" I KNEW IT!" shouted Tenchi's father from the audience. He looked at the girls.  
  
" He doesn't mean us," said Ryoko. " He means the Goddesses!"  
  
" Yeah, and he doesn't perform well." said Washu folding her arms. " Hey Tomiki, let's get a drink."  
  
" Can I come?" asked Tsunami. Washu and Tomiki looked at each other.  
  
" No."  
  
" Bitches!"  
  
******  
  
" But I tell ya Tenchi, it wasn't as bad as the trips around the world we've done." said Ryoko  
  
" Such as?" asked Tenchi.  
  
" The time you borrowed your dad's car and me, you, Ayeka and Washu went off on a road trip to Tokyo."  
  
******  
  
" Here we go, Tokyo, five miles to go." said Tenchi driving. " This calls for some music." He turned the radio on.  
  
" I'M JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG BABY! LISTEN TO IRON MADIEN BABY!" Ryoko, Washu and Ayeka started singing. Ryoko put a captain's hat on Tenchi.  
  
" Why me?"  
  
******  
  
" Well," said Tenchi thinking. " It wasn't too bad, compared to that big ship we went on."  
  
" The Titanic?" asked Kiyone.  
  
******  
  
" AHHHH!" screamed Tenchi grabbing on to the top of the boat. " WE'RE GONNA DIE!"  
  
" DON'T LET GO JACK!" cried Ryoko holding on to Tenchi's legs. She paused. " Alright…Tenchi!"  
  
" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" shouted James Cameron holding on next to them. " And they said I could never do a sequel!"  
  
" But this isn't a movie Mr Cameron," said Ryoko. " This boat is sinking."  
  
" CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT SINCE MY OSCAR WINNING RUN?" The bars broke and he fell down the boat. " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
******  
  
" No!" cried Tenchi. " That was just a big budget charity trip which ran ashore thanks to some drunk driving. But by who?"  
  
" I don't who," said Washu rolling her eyes around. " And it might not be drunk driving."  
  
******  
  
" Oh, I just love you naval officers," said Washu lying on top of the boat's captain. " You're so strong and macho. Plenty of things to do testing on."  
  
" Testing?" asked the captain.   
  
" ICEBURG RIGHT AHEAD!" shouted another officer next to the Captain.   
  
" Quiet you, I'll get to you later." said Washu. Then the boat hit an iceberg.  
  
******  
  
" CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT TRIP?" asked Tenchi. " The trip I was talking about was on the love boat."  
  
" Oh no, not Jean-Luc."  
  
******  
  
" Captain's log, stardate 1847524234278.1 . We're on a special boat, where anything can happen in the name of love."  
  
" Er, Captain Piccard," said Data. " What are you talking about?"  
  
" Set a course for romance Mr Data." said Jean-Luc Piccard putting a captain's hat on. " Love is on the cards."  
  
" Don't you feel so happy Tenchi, being on the boat with lots of women who love you?" asked Ryoko with her arms around Tenchi's neck. Tenchi noticed there were other women with arms around his neck.  
  
" Don't date her," said Rei. " Date me Tenchi."  
  
" Date me Tenchi!" cried Ayeka.  
  
" No, Date me Tenchi," shouted Belldandy. Tenchi gulped.  
  
" But I don't want a girlfriend," he moaned.  
  
" OH NOSENSE!" shouted the girls around him.  
  
" Wrap speed 5 Mr Data," said Jean-Luc driving.  
  
*******  



End file.
